Wendy's Cancer Journey

In the early phases of my journey, I have to admit, I got bogged down in details.  I was desperate and fearful that I was missing something important or wasn't doing something right.  I prayed to God for guidance, healing and strength to get through this, but I fought the fight as if it all depended on me.  It was a tremendous burden because I felt that if I didn't "do it" right, I was as good as dead!  I was striving to do all I was told to do because my life depended on it.   

You'd think I'd know better.  Despite the fact that I've been formally educated in theology and love the Lord with all my heart and soul, I approached my battle like it was mine!  Finally, after much prayer the realization hit me that "the battle belongs to the Lord."  WOW!  It's HIS battle and He is already the victor!  Once God does something, it's final. Done.  He triumphed over the Enemy through the Cross and won back everything that was lost to mankind in the Fall.  

Lots of time was spent in my prayer tent trying to discover what that truly meant.  I believe it holds the key to my healing.  I've felt all along that God has my back no matter what decision I make, but the recurrence wasn't exactly what I had in mind. However, it is becoming something so much better and above anything I could imagine because it has forced me to draw near to Him and actually have a real, personal, intimate relationship with Him.  Knowing Him is so much better than knowing about Him. Being in a right relationship with God is healing!

In my meditation and prayer time, I was reminded that God loves me better than any human can love me.  His love is unconditional and perfect, which should cast out all fear regarding His intentions for me.  God knows the plans He has for me, to prosper me and not harm me and to give me a hope and a future. (Jer 29:11)  I had to let that sink in.  He doesn't want to harm me. I grew up fearful of the God of the lightning bolt, fire and brimstone.  I didn't understand His character and what that meant.  He reminded me that Jesus healed EVERY sickness and disease (Matt 4:23), that He was willing to heal and did heal ALL the sick that came to Him. (Mark 1:41), that Jesus healed out of compassion for people (Matt 20:34), but a  lack of faith in His hometown prevented miracles from happening (Matt:13:58).  I was also struck that in many of the healing stories, Jesus asked the person to do something like stretch out their hand (Mark 3:5) or get up and walk, or wash their eyes (John 9:6-7).  Another interesting observation I made was that sometimes when Jesus healed, he said things like "your sins are forgiven."  What in the world did that have to do with physical healing? I also read how Jesus tried to heal one guy and it didn't work the first time so He had to try again. (Mark 8:22)

I know from personal experience that God performs miracles today. My daughter, Emily, was the recipient of a Divine healing that has no medical explanation.  Once you live it, you can not forget what He has done! (Her story is on another web site at www.emilyspage.embarqspace.com)  I was really hoping that God would miraculously heal me like He did Emily. But He had other plans for me.

I was reminded that every good and perfect gift comes from God.  So where do the bad and horrible things come from? Most assuredly not my God!   I discovered that God lets stuff happen so that the work of God might be displayed in a person's life (John 9:3), which leads me to believe that He really didn't want me to have to deal with certain things, but when the Enemy brought it or when I did something to bring it on myself, He allowed it to happen because He knew it would glorify Him in the end. The beauty of God is that He's especially good at turning lemons into lemonade.  Every time things get messed up, God can use it, if I let Him, and turn it into something beautiful. That's the key.  If I let Him...

The stunning thing about learning all this positive stuff about God is that what I believe will be the dominating theme in my life.  Every promise of God is available to me if I will do the part God asks me to do. Because of what Jesus has already done,  I have already overcome cancer! (1John4:4, 1Pet.2:24).  Where my mind goes, I will follow.  Do I believe my beliefs?  Do I believe in God's character and nature? Then I need to live that way and act that way.  And I have chosen to do just that. 

I have decided that I will take care of what He has given me, my body, my temple, and I will let the healing up to God. I won't allow my mind to be troubled.  I will give the sacrifice of praise and obedience to God. When He leads, I will follow in faith, trusting and believing He will bless my obedience and fulfill His promises to me. (Heb 11:8)  I released this cancer problem to Him and let it go.  I deliberately stopped worrying and trying to figure it all out.  I am letting God take care of it. (Ps 37:5) In the meantime, I am curling up on His lap, getting to know Him better, basking in His Love, asking Him to transform me into the person He created me to be and looking forward to what He will do.  I am allowing Him to restore me. (Psalm 119:37, 38)